Homesickness

Thursday, 20th February 2025

Last night I dreamed about my first house, my childhood house. I dreamed about my family; my little siblings, mom and dad. They were there, along with my pets. I lived there until I was like 11, when we moved. So most of my precious memories, and the things I did as a child, are left there inside those walls. In my dream, I was at that old backyard at night, the scenery reminded me of some good old Christmas Eve we had there, that time my siblings and I received a lot of gifts and toys, it was such pure happiness. As I was dreaming, I was transported to that moment, but with the only difference that I had my current age, 19. It could have been a good dream, sure, but a sense of nostalgia and a crushing sadness hit me. Then, I started nosebleeding inside the dream. I woke up with a blood taste in my mouth, it happened to me before, so I thought I was bleeding again. It didn't; it was just the taste. I felt overwhelmed.

It's been more than half a month since I started living in another city for studying. I'm taking the entrance course for computer science. I was doing well with the change, but some thoughts of longing were accumulating at the bottom of my heart. That moment I realized how much life has changed for me. I turned 19 a few weeks ago, damn. Now I'm living with a friend, but I'm no longer living with my family. Fuck, I miss home, man. I miss mom, and dad. I miss my siblings, my cousin, my uncles, my grandmas and grandpa. I miss my dog and my cats. I miss my bedroom and my instruments. When did I get so old? I cried a bit last night. I went to the bathroom and I spit some blood.

My nose bled a bit when I got up. Then, I had a cup of coffee and went to university. Algorithms class was good, they gave me more exercises because I finished everything quickly. I already know these introduction themes. Even my teacher copied one of the functions from my code that draws a five-sided star, maybe to use it for an exercise in the future. Now it's evening. Later I'll be taking a walk to gather all my thoughts. Now I'm working again on this site after some months.

I'm finishing the entrance course next week, so I can go back home. But I'll be staying there for a week, then I have to travel back to start studying the degree.