Ruminations on Mortality and Scrambled Eggs
Wednesday, 25th September 2024
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I've been sleeping like shit for a while. Last night I went to bed around 1 AM, but I couldn't sleep. I was lying there, doomscrolling on YouTube, and twisting around for hours. A lot of toughts invaded my head, like what the heck will I study the next year when I graduate from highschool? Where will I go to college?. Also, I had a lot of problems with my punk band, I don't like to have discussions. And added to that, I can't stop thinking everyday that someday I will no longer be around, someday, I would die. I don't wan't to be unable to see my family and friends anymore. I don't want to be unable to play music, to read, to watch movies, to play video games, to take pictures, to learn new things, to travel, to live. Eternal emptiness scare the shit out of me. I think that the only solution left is acceptance, like I learned from Marcus Aurelius; we need to have humility and to accept the things we can't change. I need to learn to live with the uncertainty of the future. Thankfully, I'm young and healthy now, I except to live a chill life for a while.
This morning I woke up at 8:30 AM, took a shower, and decided to learn to make me some scrambled eggs for breakfast. I made some toasts, and the eggs turned out pretty good to be my first time. I didn't have made time to go to work this morning.
In the afternoon, I went to school. We had a job interview simulation at the english class, I made it great. That was the last class with Teacher Angy, she's nice and I'm going to miss her. Then, in the next subject, I had to survive doing nothing but listening to Lucio naming every Odin's name until 5:40 PM.
After school, I watched a couple classes of my full-stack web development course on Udemy. Then, I went to work; sleep was playing against me, but I managed to finish my tasks. Now, I'm writing this, planning to take a shower, and then start watching Serial Experiments Lain again; I tried to watch it 3 or 4 times before, but I couldn't finish it.
